Three steps forward, one step back
A week ago I wrote about Staying Whole. I challenged myself to look square between the eyes and ask if my automatic responses were keeping me from experiencing life fully?
I spoke about trying a few simple ideas, let’s see how they went in the first few days:
First, I wanted to begin to practice a few moments of mindfulness. To stay as one. What I have realized is that music really does help me stop and focus. Instrumental music in the background helps me stop my ‘racing thoughts’ momentarily.
Second, I also have taken a few days to consider my fear of really getting close to other people. What if I get hurt? For me, what I realized this week when I really soul-searched is that I was hanging on the fringes with my ‘in-law’ relationships. Sister-in-law, brother-in-law, daughter-in-law, nieces, nephews etc. that are on my husband’s side. Why? Because I had been down those relationships with other marriages and all it left me was hurt, and isolated to ever reach out to them again. In separating myself from an abuser, I was vilified, figuratively ‘burnt at the stake’ in family gossip, and in court. After the exhausting and dehumanizing impact that stalking left after destroying my life, I was left to never be able to contact or connect with them ever again. Just this last week I celebrated my 9th wedding anniversary with Rick who is a great guy. Yet, even in this long time I still have been playing it safe. My big step this week is I took this week to send out notes to these wonderful people and to begin to develop personal relationships.
Third, just our initial discussion on Day 4 about Shame really helped me see already that my fear of not being good enough…is shame ruling me vs it being really true. That will take some additional time to really dig in for more self-discovery.
I have learned for change to stick in my life is to take small steps toward a larger goal. Three steps forward, one back will eventually get you to your destination. It may take a little longer, but the change will stick.
I know that there are more tips and ideas I can take, but for today, I am going to stay with these three: practice daily mindfulness, make small steps to connect with in-law relationships, identifying shame. I will let you know how it goes.